Being reactive to crisis is a response to things that we don’t expect to happen. We may be hurt and angry when unfair events or crisis occur in our lives. There are some events that seem so overwhelming, some may choose to cope by holding onto feelings of anger, resentment, and unforgiveness. Ask yourself some questions. How long will I choose the path of anger, resentment, and bitterness? Who am I hurting in the process? Is it time to leave the emotions behind and do the hard work? Who can help me move forward? Be honest with yourself and to others when you can’t do it alone. Ask for help, and when you are not getting it, keep asking. Good counsel is sometimes not easy to find.
Self- reflection can be a helpful and natural response to change. How can you tell if you need to change? As a mother, it was easy. I began to notice how my own children were behaving in the world. I began to see my own insecurities and fears in them. I began to watch their priorities take shape- the same priorities my husband and I set before them.
It is when I began to notice this, that I realized the important choices I had to make. I began to ask myself some hard questions. What negative habits and perceptions in my own life need to change? I could take a step back and begin to make changes and improvements. I finally internalized the power of the statement, “Children Learn What They Live”. I experienced it first-hand. Being an observer of my children was a powerful lesson for me.
I first had to ask myself, “How did I get to this place of self-awareness?” For me, it was a deep mis-trust of man that paralyzed me on a daily basis. The sequence of life events that shook me to the core began to pile up. I woke up one day, and said, “How did I get to this place of not trusting anyone?” I felt guilty because I was not able to trust and love people in the way I knew I should. The unforgiveness had a hold of me. But to truly forgive is not something you do effortlessly. It is a process. Revisiting your childhood through remembering is part of the healing process.
What were the messages that your parents or people who raised you regarding important issues- such as love, compassion, fear, patience, diversity? What were the lessons that our parents and teachers taught us? Were we allowed to be children? Did we have a childhood?
Our subconscious blueprint of who we are, what the world is like, etc., is learned by a very young age. These early experiences and our subconscious decisions about them, control the way we are into adulthood. It is when we experience deep, unresolved pain or abuse from childhood, that we discover the underlying beliefs. You may not begin to process your past, until you are forced with hard situations in your relationships, workplace, and your own family in the present.
Some of the most common and hurtful emotions are shame and guilt. Shame is rooted in a belief that who you are is not okay. Guilt indicates that what you do is not okay. If we are in a place where we experience these emotions from day to day, it becomes a counteractive process to healing. It makes us feel raw inside. That’s why it’s so important to allow people to heal when they need to. Reinforcing shame and guilt for things of the past is never good practice and pours salt on a raw spirit. If you want to help someone heal from an abusive past, be an encourager.
I pray for you today, as you become aware of your past and make decisions that impact the lives of your family. It is my hope and prayer for you that you decide to be proactive in your decisions. Moving forward is so much easier with a forgiving heart.